If I would have told anyone that the past months were blissful, it would be a big lie; otherwise I probably was too mentally drained to story-tell the entire happening. But most of the time, I chose to avoid the topic.
Graduating from university is supposed to be a joyful event. Well, the happiness lasted for quite awhile but what follows after that was a major transition in life that happened too soon for me to grab hold of and digest.
It was all fairytale upon studies completion in July. But the very next phase was daunting. The entire job hunting process itself evoked a range of emotions, from feeling hopeful to swallowing rejections and back again. Embraced this phase with much uncertainties, secured a job (wheew, finally!) only to experience another unexpected roller-coaster ride.
moving in. moving in wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be because I was fortunate to be moving into my second home. Settling down should be an easy job but boy I was wrong.
I underestimated my emotional strength. Who would have knew that being away from home for five good years have not shaped a person’s mental strength well enough? All those days and nights of crying and doubting with an occasional what ifs and when.
What if I have not been stubborn on my decision?
When is my next flight home?
When will I get to circle the dining table and have meals with everyone at home?
Will the day ever come?
How long will it take?
And the more I dwelled my thoughts in these longing for home and kinship, the more devastated I feel inside. Most days, I would walked through the glass door to work questioning my very initial decision to work away from home, silently weeping inside my heart. While I was trying to put up a smile, most nights I would go to bed with tears.
I didn’t know where I was heading to, but I kept walking while convincing myself:
All iz well.
All will be well.